That deserves a bank holiday at least. It's way cooler than this so called "Cinderella" story. I mean really? Just how much of a commoner can Catherine Middleton be when her parents were rich enough to send her to the same private schools as the freaking prince of England?
Whatever.
My mom, on these occasions, likes to remind me of my coming into life. Apparently I was an impatient little jerk. All doped up with her epidural, and happily watching the Friday episode of General Hospital, which I am told is the "cliffhanger" episode, Mama is content with her pregnancy for the moment and is not in a rush to have it end right at that very second.
Five minutes until the end of this gloriously dramatic broadcast masterpiece, I decide that soap operas suck and no longer want to be subjected to them, even via womb.
My mother, therefore missed the ending of her cliffhanger episode, but gained a daughter. She says she was ecstatically happy, but she hasn't stopped griping at me about it for 28 years. I begin to doubt her sincerity.
Well, leading up to the anniversary of my birth, the universe decided to allow me to build up a little credit.
At some point early in the week, I realized I had misplaced my purse and wallet, which also contained a $100 bill from my in-laws and a $50 gift card. I spazzed out for three days, turning my house, car, and work place up-side down and coming closer and closer to the conclusion that it may have been stolen.
FINALLY, yesterday night, after once again tearing the house to pieces, Husband looks at me and says "Babe, I don't think it's here." And I'm about to cry.
Then, as if a joke. "Unless.... What if?"
And he starts picking up some work stuff he had set in the hall way. And what is under this stuff?
YAY!
Fast forward to the greatest day of the year. Another early day and I'm feeling particularly unmotivated, because once again, the damn soda machine is out of Dr. Pepper.
So, just about everyone in the store knows of my little obsession. It is my dark passenger. There was a long period of time (well over a week) in which the soda company did not refill the machine. I was pretty sure that I was going to die and instructed Husband to pursue legal action against them for my untimely end.
Upon my discovery of my once again sad and empty life with no Dr. Pepper, I may have been heard by my lead all the way across the store. He laughed at me.
Seriously? I am being denied my elixir of life and he's laughing. He has to be the most ungrateful little turd in the history of the world.
After we finish up, he says he's going to take a quick break.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
When he comes back, he comes in the office and says he got me a birthday present.
He truly is the best employee ever and I don't know what I would do at work without him. The boy needs a raise. And a pony.
PS.
The universe seems to have decided that it gave me too much credit. A case of Dr. Pepper is just too much good fortune for one day. I have managed to ruin two batched of cupcakes that I have successfully made in the past.
I fail.
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